Being human is inevitably stressful.  As I think most people would agree, some stress is an unavoidable consequence of living our lives.   Whether we were long ago living on the savannah trying to protect ourselves from predators, as our ancestors did, or whether we are now trying to pay bills, deal with traffic jams, or protect our children from the harms in their world, our bodies are wired to experience some amount of stress.  But how we manage our stress is fundamental to our sense of well-being. 

I have come to understand that it is as if each of us has an invisible container within which we hold various stressors that come our way.  This container can hold big and small stressors alike.  The stress from the person who cut you off in traffic may go into that container.  High demands for productivity at work may go into that container.  The stress of caring for a sick relative may go into the container, or having pain in one’s body, or having to put the kids to bed when they are all wound up, or dealing with the leaky roof or the unexpected bill, the argument with a partner or spouse,  getting frustrated about the computer that is running too slowly, or the person who gave you a dirty look, having one too many things to do today…these are just a few examples of what our containers may hold. 

Stress need not be negative to enter our containers; “positive” stressors can take up space just the same.  Whether it is a small amount of stress from organizing a birthday party for a child, planning an event, staying up late to help a friend, or a larger amount of stress such as having a baby, or moving to a new house, these events take up space in our container as well.  The “sizes” of our containers vary from person to person; that is, some people may be able to hold more stress than others before they feel overloaded.  What is important is that we each individually learn about and pay attention to our own containers, to monitor with some regularity how full they are.  When we do this we can then know when it is time to empty our container, let some stress go, or take a few minutes to replenish ourselves so that our container does not overflow.  

Personally, my container is on the smaller side I believe.  I have come to learn that I have to monitor it frequently, because it can fill quickly, and if I don’t attend to it, things can get messy fast.  For me, it is usually not the big things that cause it to overflow, but the one little thing that is added on to an already full container.  When my container is only slightly full, the unexpected problem, the broken glass, or the dirty dishes in the sink at 10 pm don’t bother me so much.  But when my container is already full, that one little thing can send me reeling. 

So how can we be more mindful of our containers and what can we do to help them from overflowing? 

1.                         First of all, we can know the size of our containers and observe our stress level so that we can tell when our containers are getting full.  Like a warning light on a car that indicates if it is close to overheating, we each have warning signs that let us know that stress is building up.  These might include, for example, increased irritability, muscle tension, difficulty sleeping, shortness of temper, fatigue, or a feeling of unease.  Pay attention and begin to know your warning signs.

2.                       When we recognize that our containers are getting full we can either 1 – set some boundaries to not take on that one more thing that will make our container overflow; 2 – prioritize and let something go on our “to do” list, even if just temporarily, to help empty our container; and/or  3 – do something to replenish ourselves to create a little more space in our container. 

3.                         Here are a few personal examples:  What I know about myself is that I need to carefully monitor not only my schedule, but also my stress container, to tell if I am able to take on a new commitment, or whether I need to say no.  If I am juggling several stressful things in my personal life I may choose to not take on something new, even if it might be something enjoyable or satisfying, because I know it will fill my container to the brink, making me less effective in all areas of my life.  

4.                        As much as it is hard for me to let things go, if I recognize that my container is almost full and I practice taking something off my list that is not critical, this helps create a bit more breathing room for myself.  The other night I had to unwillingly leave the housework unfinished and the house a mess so that I could have some time to unwind and do something relaxing for myself before bed.  Because I could feel my stress level high from the day and week, I knew I needed to set a cut-off of my to do’s for the day in order to help bring myself back into balance. 

5.                        Often, when I feel stress building, I take some time to meditate, or simply breathe for a few minutes if that is all the time I have in the moment, in order to help re-set myself and create more space in my container.  Find what works for you.  For some people, going for a short walk, or listening to music, or talking with a friend, even for a few minutes, may be an important way to help turn down the stress response and prevent it from building.

How full is your container today?  What can you do to create some more space?  Might setting a boundary, prioritizing and letting something go, or taking a few moments to replenish help create a greater feeling of ease and well-being in your day?  How might doing so positively impact those around you?