Learn ways to stop stress drains before they spiral.

Imagine if whenever you encountered emotions such as irritability, frustration, impatience, and the other emotions that feed stress, you could shift. Instead of getting stuck in those emotions you could experience something more renewing. How might that impact your day, your week, or your life?

The other day, I was stuck on the phone for 30 minutes trying to resolve an issue with my insurance company. I found myself getting very frustrated with having to take the time to deal with this, as in my mind it should have taken only a few minutes. On another day, I was driving on some back roads and hit some unexpected traffic that caught me off guard and delayed me from getting where I needed to be. Again, irritability and frustration immediately leapt in. I imagine I am not alone in these kinds of experiences, or in my immediate reactions.

Without realizing it, we can go through our day accumulating stress. While not discounting big stressors that we may at times be facing, it is often the little irritations that can add up and become chronic drains in the background of our lives.

Why It’s Easy to Tip Into Negativity

In terms of tipping into negativity, we have some odds stacked against us, thanks to our evolutionary wiring. We have a brain with a negativity bias. What this means is that our brains are wired to attend to and learn from negative information more than from positive information. This mental habit makes it easier for us to hold onto negative things that happen throughout the day, and miss the small, positive moments that are right in front of us.

I affectionately refer to this as the “Velcro problem” — named after neuropsychologist Rick Hanson’s teaching that “the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones.” In order to counter this mental habit, Dr. Hanson suggests that we have to intentionally practice taking in the good. It isn’t enough (when you want to learn to rewire your brain away from negativity) to just have the thought, “Oh, that’s a nice sunset today” or “That’s a good cup of coffee.” The idea is to take 30 seconds or a minute or more to stay with the experience to really feel the sense of awe in your body or feel appreciation for what is right in front of you, and let it sink in.

We have another evolutionary challenge as well that contributes to stress accumulation. Our brains, by default, are on automatic pilot a lot of the time. We aren’t paying attention to what is actually here. Instead, we are caught in mental chatter and mental mind wandering. One study estimated that we are in mind-wandering mode about 50 percent of the time. That’s about half of our lives! What this means is that we are often lost in our own thoughts, and we aren’t paying attention to the present moment. When we are lost in automatic-pilot mode, we can’t step back and see the mental habits in which we are caught. We may not even notice the irritability and negativity creeping in and the habitual ways we react to stress. And what we can’t see, we can’t change.

Mindful awareness is an antidote for this. It allows us to see our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors clearly as a nonjudgmental observer of our present-moment experience.

An On-the-Spot Strategy to “SHIFT”

Here is an on-the-spot strategy that incorporates mindful awareness and taking in the good and is useful to help shift out of negativity. It uses the acronym SHIFT:

• See what is happening.
• Hit the pause button. (Even just a few seconds will help!)
• Investigate with curiosity and friendliness.
• Find something to focus on that is more renewing.
• Take a moment to “wire” this in.

Using “SHIFT”

Let’s break this down using the examples I shared at the beginning:

See what is happening. As soon as you notice irritability, frustration, or negativity arising, name it. Imagine that you were carrying around a flashlight with you throughout the day that allowed you to see more clearly when these moments are occurring.

Example: I hit that unexpected traffic and start going into a stress reaction. I remember to pull out my flashlight. I suddenly see what is going on and I name it: “This is a moment of irritability and frustration. I notice I am starting to spiral.”

Hit the pause button.

Example: Just the noticing slows me down. I take a conscious breath and catch what is happening as if I am watching it from a half step back.

Investigate with curiosity and friendliness. The task here is to bring some kind attention to what is happening, to get curious in an open way (rather than judging yourself or criticizing yourself).

Example: I think, “Oh, this is what irritation feels like in my body. Isn’t this interesting how I immediately start breathing more shallowly and my muscles are tensing. My mind is starting to fill with negative thoughts, and I can observe how this makes me feel (and it doesn’t feel good).”

Find something to focus on that is more renewing.

Example: In the traffic example, I realized there was nothing I could do to change the situation, but I could shift where I was focusing. I started to notice the beautiful yards, shrubs, and flowers that had been tended to with great care. I noticed the children tossing a frisbee to one another with joy and playfulness. I saw the two rocking chairs on the porch and wondered who might sit side by side one another in companionship on a warm summer night.

In the case of the long phone call with my insurance company, I started to focus on the fact that this person who I cannot see on the other end of the phone is genuinely trying to help me. Maybe they’ve had a bad day. Maybe they are dealing with big stressors in their life. There was an opportunity to feel care for another human being who is spending a lot of time trying to help me.

Take a moment to “wire” this in. Allow any positive emotions to be felt in the body.

Example: I not only notice or think or see the things as noted above, but I take in a genuine feeling of open-heartedness, appreciation, or care for the scenery around me, the children playing, or for the person on the other end of the phone line trying to assist me. I imagine breathing these feelings into my body and letting them settle there.

The next time you come up against negativity, try to SHIFT. It may not change the circumstances you are dealing with, but it likely will help you manage them with greater ease and experience greater choice about how you respond.

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This article was originally published on Psychology Today.