You Don’t Have to Change to Change Everything
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2024 Finalist, International Book Awards, Health: Psychology/Mental Health Category and Self Help: General Category
A unique approach to healing that emphasizes changing our perspectives instead of changing ourselves. Instead of struggling to change our inner experiences, we transform the container in which they are held. From here, wholeness and healing are possible; this is where actual change lives.
Have you ever noticed that happiness is fleeting, it comes and goes? (Of course you have). It isn’t a steady state. It is dependent upon mood (needing to feel a certain way), and often upon circumstance (when certain things happen, I feel happy).
So, what do you do when you don’t feel happy — when you come upon all those more difficult emotions that we all face such as frustration, irritation, anger, fear, anxiety, sadness, grief, overwhelm?
What then?
Most of us do one of two things: we push away, suppress, ignore these uncomfortable internal energies, or we get taken over by our emotions, swept away (maybe reacting in unhelpful ways). Or both.
Any of this sound familiar? We are wired to do this.
Along with this, when we’re not feeling happy, many of us feel like there’s something wrong, something missing, or that we’re not enough. We struggle to fix, change or improve ourselves, often in self-defeating ways.
But there is another path that brings deeper well-being.
What if you had a deep “well” of well-being to draw from, not matter what you are feeling and no matter what challenging circumstances you might be facing? What if you could draw from this well whenever you needed – and it could help you face daily challenges with greater ease, comfort, perspective, courage, equanimity, self-compassion, and a whole host of other inner strengths and resources to meet yourself right where you are. What if it could even help you thrive right in the midst of the messiness and the muck?
We all have access to this deep well of well-being. Often, we just need to learn how to uncover it.
In this book you will:
- Learn six ways to shift your vantage point to experience deep well-being, without needing to fix, improve or change yourself.
- Learn to meet difficult emotions with greater ease, awareness, compassion, acceptance, and openness — and discover all manner of possibilities that open up from here.
- Gain access to your “newer operating system” to meet life’s challenges instead of being stuck in your “old operating system” which is often outdated for addressing our modern-day problems.
- Learn to move through life from your “Whole Self” instead of your “hole self.”
- Discover your deep well of well-being to support you through all of life’s ups and downs, big and small, so that you can flourish and thrive right where you are.
What People Are Saying…
“Beth Kurland’s reassuring title says it all and yet offers clear, concise, compassionate instructions for powerful personal transformation.”
—Chris Willard, PsyD, faculty, part-time, Harvard Medical School, and author of Alphabreaths and How We Go Through What We Grow Through
“As a mental health clinician and executive in the field of wellness, I find this book to be a treasure trove of insights. It beautifully bridges the gap between scientific understanding and everyday experiences to offer readers a compelling roadmap to emotional resilience and personal fulfillment. This book shares a refreshing perspective on self-growth and mindfulness and is a must-read for those on a path to deeper self-awareness and well-being.”
—Aimee Gindin, MSCP, chief marketing officer at LifeSpeak Inc.
“In a sea of self-help hacks, You Don’t Have to Change to Change Everything stands apart in its ability to blend the latest research with the wisdom of the ages to give you insights you can actually use. Beth Kurland’s voice rings true and clear—a brilliant, empathetic voice reminding us that we aren’t flawed beings to be fixed but whole beings whose minds and hearts are on the verge of flourishing. Kurland has given us all a new vantage point from which to see our lives and each other.”
—Terri Trespicio, author of Unfollow Your Passion: How to Create a Life that Matters to You
“In an age when striving for an elusive, perfect kind of happiness infiltrates every domain of life, You Don’t Have to Change to Change Everything offers us an antidote. Part clinical wisdom, part memoir, and part poetic vignette, Beth Kurland presents six vantage points for living a meaningful life. Drawing on contemporary psychology, neuroscience, and Eastern wisdom traditions, this book offers rich recipes for practical mindfulness and self-care.”
—Tara Cousineau, PhD, author of The Kindness Cure
“In her true signature form, Dr. Beth Kurland offers a rich tapestry of practical, accessible strategies that help us rethink change and live with greater presence and compassion.”
—Kristen Lee, EdD, LICSW, bestselling author of Mentalligence: A New Psychology of Thinking and Worth the Risk
“With kind eyes and a warm heart, Beth skillfully helps readers navigate the challenging landscape of negative emotional patterns. Having walked this walk and experienced its life-changing benefits, she speaks with clear and passionate conviction. Weaving neuroscience, psychology, and mindfulness seamlessly together, she leaves for us an elegant and detailed trail of breadcrumbs filled with practical handholds and rich personal epiphanies. Her voice is gentle and clear, her invitations useful, her encouragement straightforward and inspiring.”
—Susan Morgan, MSN, RN, CS, and Bill Morgan, PsyD, author of The Meditator’s Dilemma
“In her thoughtful approach combining leading-edge science from a variety of disciplines, Beth helps us to shift away from chasing a fleeting emotion such as happiness and toward meeting ourselves where we are without shame, blame, or criticism. She reminds us that there’s nothing wrong with us, and we don’t need to fix anything. Instead, she teaches us how to relate to what’s happening inside of our mind, body, and nervous system to realign with our intentions, values, and well-being. Through her six vantage points, she provides us with clever strategies, resources, and perspectives that are easily integrated into our daily lives and, importantly, are incredibly helpful in the face of challenge! Even more, Beth has a gift of playfully sharing her own stories, struggles, and vulnerabilities that are so real, relatable, and meaningful!”
—Michael Allison, educational partner with Stephen W. Porges, PhD, and The Polyvagal Institute; developer of The Play Zone—A Neuropsychological Approach to Optimize Wellness, Resilience, and Performance
“I embarked upon You Don’t Have to Change to Change Everything with a physician’s eye and concluded it with deeper breath and stirring hope, realizing that it was exactly what my own nervous system needed. Both wise and disarmingly relatable, Dr. Kurland is an anchor herself as she seamlessly weaves anecdote, theory, and spirituality into a tangible guidebook on how to ease the suffering we all hold tightly inside. This book will remain by my side as I practice medicine, as its profoundly simple tools reveal how true well-being can be cultivated—by any of us—amidst the inevitable messiness of life.”
—Sarah Byrne, MD, family physician and owner of Root Family Medicine, PC
“Beth Kurland has written a remarkable book, highlighting the ways in which a realistic shift in perspective or mindset can have a profound impact on our physical and emotional well-being and our relationships with others. Beth skillfully describes life-changing ideas, exercises, and strategies that are not only rooted in research findings but in her own personal experiences that span her childhood and adulthood. Beth’s empathy, compassion, self-compassion, insights, and wisdom are apparent in every page of this wonderful book, allowing the reader to more easily appreciate and incorporate her ideas and suggestions. I am certain that You Don’t Have to Change to Change Everything, will be read and re-read, serving as a powerful resource as we confront and master the many challenges we all face in life.”
—Dr. Robert Brooks, Ph.D., Faculty (part-time) Harvard Medical School Co-author: The Power of Resilience: Achieving Balance, Confidence, and Personal Strength in Your Life and Reflections on Mortality: Insights into Meaningful Living
