Our well-being is fundamental to everything in our lives, from our emotional and physical health, to the quality of our relationships, to our work life, to our capacity to be our best selves. Modern neuroscience and psychology have shown us that well-being is a skill that can be cultivated. Here are some ways how:
- Choose carefully where your attention rests. Henry David Thoreau said “It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” At any moment, there are a thousand or more things on which we can focus our attention. Do we see the pothole in front of us, or the tree with spectacular colors? This is a choice. It isn’t about turning a blind eye, or ignoring the pothole. Maybe the pothole needs fixing, maybe we need to notice it so we can walk around it. However, where we focus our attention matters. Neuroscientist Rick Hanson teaches that we can train our brains to take in the positives more often. By learning to savor positive experiences, this can lead to beneficial and lasting changes within our brains. It can also make for a more enriching life.
- In order to live life more fully, it is helpful to awaken to the fact that we are in our heads, lost in thought, much of the time. While thinking is a necessary and essential part of our lives, and can be productive, creative, and highly beneficial (such as when we are planning for a project or vacation, trying to solve a problem, remembering information to use in a new situation, etc.), often our thinking is mindless chatter, pulling us away from the present moment. When we start to pay attention, we realize that we are often thinking about the past or future, or saying things to ourselves that are judgmental, untrue or not helpful. Practicing mindfulness is one great way to learn to notice this chatter in our heads, so we can bring ourselves back to the here and now of our lives. Feel free to try out some of my short mindfulness meditation videos and audios at https://bethkurland.com/meditation/.
- Set aside some time every day for self-nurture. This could be as simple as taking three slow, conscious breaths every hour. Setting aside even a few minutes a day can go a long way toward interrupting our habitual, automatic pilot mode, and dialing down our stress response. This is good for your mind and body, and has positive benefits for your long-term health. To use this example of the three breaths, try the following: On the first breath, notice how your body is feeling. Notice any tension in your body and gently give your muscles permission to ease and soften as you breathe out slowly. On the second breath, notice what is happening in your mind. Are your thoughts racing around, are they still like a calm lake? What are you saying to yourself? Simply notice. On the third breath, notice what you are feeling, and name it. There may be multiple emotions at once. Whatever is there, see if you can welcome it, accept it, and send it some compassion.
- Practice paying attention so that you can catch the onset of your stress. It is a lot easier to stop a snowball from rolling down the hill when you do so right at the top of the hill as opposed to half-way down the hill, when it has already picked up momentum. Find ways to interrupt the stress response at its first warning signs. Some suggestions for doing this include: taking several slow breaths and, for each breath, extending your exhalation slightly longer than your inhalation; practice hitting a “pause” button and taking one split second to think about how you want to best handle the situation and what the potential consequences might be for yourself and others if you let the stress escalate; shifting your eyes to something out in the distance, toward the horizon, or to something in front of you, and letting your vision rest there, to help you step back and see the bigger picture. Feel free to check on my free meditation audios and videos at https://bethkurland.com/meditation/ for short meditations that can help dial down stress.
- Take care of your body, and appreciate it for all it does. It is the only one you get. It is so easy to be self-critical of our bodies, and this often feeds a cycle of not taking care of ourselves. But how we care for our bodies has far reaching implications for our quality of life. And we are more motivated to care for ourselves when we come from a place of compassion. See if you might practice appreciating something magnificent about your body (e.g., how it allows you to express and receive love; how it allows you to see beauty in the world or hear an inspiring piece of music). Take one small step toward caring for your body. Pick something that is concrete and doable, so that you set yourself up for success. Ideally, find something enjoyable. Some examples include: taking a yoga class, meditating for 5 minutes, making a healthy smoothie to start the day, substituting an herbal tea for a soda, preparing fresh vegetables for dinner, or going for a walk during your lunch break. One small step will lead to another.
Stay tuned for tips 6-10 coming in my next post!
If you would like to have a step-by-step guide filled with daily, practical tools to cultivate greater well-being and reduce stress in your life, you may enjoy my new book The Transformative Power of Ten Minutes: An Eight Week Guide to Reducing Stress and Cultivating Well-being. For more information, visit here.
