Category: Mindfulness Page 1 of 3

How to Make the Ordinary Extraordinary

On June 19, 2026

In Mindfulness, Positive Psychology, Well-Being

Personal Perspective: A reflection on aging and savoring precious moments.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how aging changes what we notice.

One of the gifts of getting older, I am finding, is that I’m not taking things for granted as often as I used to. In the busyness of my younger years, running here, there, and everywhere all at once, I couldn’t have told you which side of our house the sun rises or sets on.

Now, seeing the sun rise over the tree line as I walk up and down our street in the early morning is a daily ritual that grounds me. I treasure the morning light, and I find it nothing short of miraculous that I’ve been given the gift of another day on this beautiful planet—and that the sun shows up yet again, and again—in a predictable pattern that creates a sense of safety in an otherwise fragile world.

As I walk, I make it a point to give thanks for something—my family, my breath, the birds’ symphony of the day, or the sight of the pudgy little groundhog that lives in our yard and keeps returning year after year despite so much else that has changed in this crazy world and with the passage of time.

At night, I often marvel at the cascade of pinks and reds and oranges as the sun sets over our neighbor’s house. To think I missed seeing this for so many years.

Now, don’t get me wrong—I don’t remain in this state of gratitude throughout the day. Far from it. I can easily slip into stress, frustration, aggravation, and worry. Little things can still throw me, and I lose perspective more than I’d like to admit.

Yet, over time, I have come to appreciate the little things and savor the small moments more frequently: the taste of my food, a conversation with my kids, feeling my breath rise and fall slowly and fully before I get out of bed.

It’s bittersweet, this life. With age, there is an increasing awareness that all of this is temporary, fleeting. And yet, at the same time, it all feels more precious. What seems ordinary is really quite extraordinary when I take the time to slow down and take it in.

And in the end, I believe it isn’t necessarily the big momentous events and achievements that matter most, but the day-to-day moments that make up the fabric of our lives in all their richness.

So here’s an invitation:

Notice something ordinary today long enough to see in what way it might be extraordinary (e.g., consider the food that you’re eating may have grown from a tiny seed and the light of the sun thousands of miles away).
Consider a short morning ritual that might help ground you and start your day with renewing emotions (even if it all goes to heck as the day goes on).
Savor one moment today that you might otherwise have overlooked. Linger there and let it land in your body as a felt experience. (What sensations are present? What emotions?)

One of the tools I write and teach about is what I call the “Magnifying Glass.” As someone who is concrete and visual, I find it helpful to imagine carrying around a kind of magnifying glass that reminds me to pause and magnify something in front of me that might otherwise slip away unnoticed.

What might you discover today with your magnifying glass?

Here’s to wishing you much well-being as you move through your week.

—

References:

Kurland B. Dancing on the Tightrope: Transcending the Habits of Your Mind & Awakening to Your Fullest Life. Wellbridge Books; 2018.

The Secret Advantage of Not Doing It Alone

By Beth Kurland

On April 20, 2026

In Mindfulness, Thriving, Well-Being

The other day on my morning walk, I saw a magnificent flock of birds flying together in a perfect “V” shape through the morning sky, like a group of dancers gliding in harmony across a universal stage. It stopped me in my tracks.

I was reminded of my biking days, when I would ride hard for 30-plus miles in a local bike group, often drafting behind one another at paces sometimes close to 20 miles per hour. It felt exhilarating moving through space together in sync.

This feeling of drafting is hard to describe, but when you’re in someone else’s draft, the effort is greatly reduced from what it would be if you were trying to maintain those paces on your own. What would be nearly impossible to sustain alone becomes quite possible when together in a tightly packed group, or even just riding behind one person.

I have found that this phenomenon is true not just for biking; it also has a lot to do with our human emotional experience. When we encounter something challenging—maybe we’re trying to accomplish something or are going through a difficult experience—having others to lean on can give us the power and energy to get through.

What would otherwise feel impossible to manage—a physical challenge, a loss, a heartbreak, a scary moment of uncertainty or self-doubt, a hurdle toward achieving something—becomes much more bearable in the presence of a supportive other.

In an interesting study looking at the effects of social support on physical performance, subjects were asked to perform a handgrip task, which had varying levels of difficulty. When looking at a photograph of a supportive person versus a picture of a stranger, participants demonstrated significantly higher handgrip output, and the effect size increased with task difficulty. This suggests that perceived social support can improve performance during physical challenges.

What is most fascinating to me is that this support came from looking at a photograph of a supportive person. The actual person was not even physically present.

Try This: Think of something that you need to do that requires physical, mental, or emotional energy or motivation. It might be engaging in physical exercise, giving a presentation at work, or getting through some other difficult task. Next, imagine that someone who inspires you is present with you. Sense their care, support, and encouraging words. Notice how this feels in your body. Then, take these feelings as a kind of inner fuel that you can channel toward this activity that matters to you.

Social support can be a psychological resource

Among its many benefits, studies have shown that close social support helps to buffer the stress response. Possible mechanisms of this include the release of the neuropeptide oxytocin, as well as reduced neural activity in regions of the brain that process threat, fear, and negative emotions.

Another way to understand the power of perceived social support is through the lens of polyvagal theory. The supportive figure can be seen as providing cues of safety to the other person’s autonomic nervous system, helping in moments of stress to dial down the individual experiencing “threat.” This causes a shift from the fight/flight activity of the autonomic nervous system to a more regulated energy brought about through the social engagement network.

Some research suggests that using one’s imagination to experience social support can have stress-buffering effects. In this study, participants were put in an MRI machine and asked to recall stressful autobiographical memories. Then, they were asked to either focus on the feelings elicited by these memories or recall them while imagining a conversation with a peer. Results showed that the second group exhibited different neural activity than the first group, associated with decreased negative emotions, decreased loneliness, and increased satisfaction and social support. Once again, this study shows how social support, even when imagined—in this case, mentally picturing the conversation—can help reduce stress.

This reminds me of a situation some years ago. I was driving to the emergency room because a family member was having a significant and scary medical event, and I was gripped by fear. I needed to have my GPS on and couldn’t use my Bluetooth phone in my car to call close friends who could have supported me on the drive. Not knowing what else to do, I imagined myself being surrounded by a “circle of care,” seeing the faces and hearing the voices of the caring people in my life, as if they were with me. This made the drive more bearable and helped me cope. (Thankfully, my family member ended up being fine.)

Try this: The next time you find yourself in a stressful or emotionally challenging situation, think about your own circle of care. Imagine being surrounded by caring others, whether they’re pets, friends, family, mentors, or spiritual beings. Picture this in your mind, feel their presence, and hear the supportive words they might say. Know this can be a resource for you to draw on for support.

Social support benefits the giver as much as the recipient

Helping and uplifting others not only feels good for the recipient, but it has been shown to have substantial benefits for the one giving support by increasing their mental and emotional health and well-being.

Supporting others has also been found to reduce physical pain. In a study that looked at the effect of altruistic behaviors on physical pain, researchers performed three different experiments. In one part of this experiment, they compared the pain perception of getting blood drawn to donate to hurricane victims versus a routine physical exam. Those donating blood for others reported experiencing less pain than those getting blood drawn for themselves.

In another part of the study, they gave cancer patients experiencing chronic pain an opportunity to partake in a seven-day experiment: Some engaged in daily altruistic behaviors for the good of others, and those in the control group engaged in personal activities. Those in the altruistic group reported decreased perceptions of pain compared to the control group.

Additionally, in an attempt to understand the neural mechanisms involved in pain reduction, the researchers looked at brain imaging and found that those who engaged in altruistic behaviors had reduced activity in parts of the brain thought to be related to pain perception, and increased activation in parts of the brain thought to be associated with meaningfulness.

Try This: Just for fun, engage in some random acts of kindness in the coming weeks, or think about small things you can do to help others you know or in your community. Notice how this lifts you up as well as others and increases your sense of connection, meaning, and purpose. Know that your small act may be just the thing that helps bring ease, comfort, or joy to someone else’s day, and may ripple back to you in unexpected ways.

What I learned from my biking days is that sometimes it’s not about peddling harder; it’s about learning to find the draft. When we find ways to connect with others and support others along the way, we increase our resources and find that we can thrive, even when things get difficult.

Originally published on Psychology Today.

3 Ways to Worry Less

By Beth Kurland

On March 17, 2026

In Acceptance, Mindfulness, Resilience

Mind-body strategies for stepping out of the worry loop and into ease.

Lately, I’ve found myself in these impossible situations. Here’s how it typically plays out: there’s some kind of uncertain situation that doesn’t have an immediate resolution (e.g., feeling anxious about how something in the future may unfold that I have no control over). My mind immediately goes into problem-solving mode — trying to think and think and think about the situation as if to find a way out, to find a resolution. Enter my good friend, worry.

As much as my problem-solving mind serves me very well in many circumstances, when it comes to uncertainty about the future, other people’s choices that I can’t do anything about, things that haven’t happened yet, and situations I can’t influence, that same thinking mind tends to get me in trouble. It can turn my thoughts into worry, rumination, and obsessive thinking. I know I’m not alone.

It’s like driving around and around a dead-end street, thinking maybe this time I’ll find a way out. Or like I’m trying to use a hammer from my toolbox to unscrew a screw. It’s the wrong tool in that situation, yet I keep picking up the hammer because it’s my go-to strategy that is so habitual.

In the face of life’s uncertainties and things we can’t control, where can we turn if not to our problem-solving mind? How can we interrupt the worry loop when habitual thinking only gets us more stuck?

Science, psychology and the wisdom traditions offer us some guidance.

1. Practice cultivating a wise heart.

Expansive, heartfelt qualities such as compassion, self-compassion, acceptance, and equanimity can step us out of our looping mental chatter, decrease stress, increase well-being and help quiet the worrying mind. They are a helpful antidote for the obsessive, thinking mind.

In my clinical and personal experience, these heartfelt qualities offer a kind of alchemy when they touch more painful parts of our human experience. When I can bring acceptance to what I am feeling in my body (e.g., this tension, this clenching) and self-compassion to my emotions (e.g., anxiety), this helps make space for greater ease.

Try this: The next time you find yourself in a worry loop, pause and place a hand on your heart. Instead of going into thinking mode, go into feeling mode. Acknowledge how you’re feeling, that this is a moment of difficulty, and say to yourself, “I see and accept all my feelings just as they are.” (Acceptance doesn’t mean you like what’s there, just that you allow it space to be.) Then sense a feeling of care surrounding you. You might imagine the caring presence from a friend or family member, a spiritual leader or being, or a sense of being held in a beautiful place in nature. Let this feeling of care sit side-by-side any difficult emotions, sinking in deeply into the body and heart.

2. Get some psychological distance from the worry part of you so you are no longer overtaken by it.

When we are gripped by worry, we can get lost in our thoughts. The field of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy offers tools to unhook from our thoughts so we are no longer caught in and “fused” with them. When we can get a bit of space, this helps loosen the grip they have over us.

Try this (part one):

First, say “I’m so worried, I’m so worried” and notice how this feels in your body. (For me, I notice tightness and constriction when I say these words). Then shift your words to: “I notice that a part of me is feeling very worried in this moment.” What do you notice when you change these words slightly? (When I do this, it feels like I’ve taken a half step back and can observe that there is a part of me feeling worried that is not the whole of me).

Internal Family Systems Therapy offers us further guidance. It is an evidence-based therapy that posits that our mind is made up of sub-personalities (e.g., this worry part of me might be one such sub-personality), and that there is a core “Self” that is by nature compassionate and wise and ultimately can be an inner leader that offers healing to our hurting parts. While this form of therapy can be quite helpful (and takes time), here is a quick “dip your toe in” experience to try:

Try this (part two):

Once you’ve named this worry part (as in the step above), you might be playful and curious and notice what shape, form, color, size, and/or age that it is. You might imagine it sitting across from you. What can you observe about it? If it could talk, what might it say? What does it need or want? How might it be trying its best to protect you? How might it want you to be with it? Reflecting on these questions can help to further provide some psychological distance between you and this worry part, to unhook from its tight grip.

3. Practice mindfulness and other mind-body strategies to activate different parts of your brain and nervous system.

Soothing your brain:

When we are stuck in worry, we tend to activate a part of our brain called the default mode network. This part of our brain is involved in thinking about the past, the future and self-referential thinking. When we engage in mindfulness meditation, activity in the default mode network region of the brain is reduced. Practicing mindfulness meditation is one way to strengthen pathways in the brain that can help us reduce worry looping.

Try this: Engage in mindfulness meditation. Set aside five or 10 minutes to practice observing thoughts as they arise. Instead of getting pulled into habitual thinking about thoughts, when you notice a thought arising just label it as “thinking” or “worrying” or “planning”. The thoughts will try to pull you in, but see if you can come back to just observing and labelling.

Notice the difference between being caught in a thought and observing a thought. For example, a thought might come up, “What if I give this talk and it’s not well received?” If you get pulled into the thought, it might go down a familiar rabbit hole (“Maybe I’ll make a fool of myself, maybe people will think I’m not smart, what if it really goes badly and then I’m let go at work and then how will I pay my bills?…”). Instead, you might practice noticing this thought, labeling it as “worrying”, and watching it go the way you would watch clouds pass in the sky.

Soothing your nervous system:

Besides learning to activate different parts of our brain to counteract worry, we can also learn to activate different parts of our nervous system. Worry can activate the branch of our nervous system called the “sympathetic nervous system”, involved in the fight-or-flight response. Learning mind-body practices to elicit the “relaxation response” (that activate the ventral vagal pathways of our parasympathetic nervous system) can act as a kind of antidote to this.

Try this: Choose a word or phrase that is soothing for you (for example, “calm” or “peaceful” or “safe in this moment”). Let that become the focus of your attention as you repeat that word as a kind of mantra. When your mind wanders (as it will), gently redirect it again and again to your chosen word or phrase. You might also pair this with slow exhalations, focusing on softening and releasing tension as your breath out.

The next time you’re faced with worry, instead of trying to think your way out of it, try one of these strategies. While not a magic pill, over time you might just loosen its grip a bit and discover a more effective way to cope.

Originally published on Psychology Today.

How to Make the Ordinary Extraordinary

Category: Mindfulness Page 1 of 3

How to Make the Ordinary Extraordinary

So here’s an invitation:

What might you discover today with your magnifying glass?

The Secret Advantage of Not Doing It Alone

The surprising benefits of social support can help you thrive.

Social support can help boost performance

Social support can be a psychological resource

Social support benefits the giver as much as the recipient

3 Ways to Worry Less

Mind-body strategies for stepping out of the worry loop and into ease.

1. Practice cultivating a wise heart.

2. Get some psychological distance from the worry part of you so you are no longer overtaken by it.

3. Practice mindfulness and other mind-body strategies to activate different parts of your brain and nervous system.